Rock-n-Roll Fights for the Right to Have Its Feeding Tube Removed

So, I'm standing back maybe 20 people or so from the stage, and ahead of me is this couple. The boyfriend thinks he is a drummer, but instead of a drum kit, he's using his girlfriends ass. Later on in the show (at this point I'm up next to the stage) the guy next to me is playing along with the band by tapping his ring on his empty glass. He's not just tapping along though, he's adding beats where ever he sees fit. At one point the bass player looks over at the guy, gives him a grimace, and shakes his head no, but either the guy doesn't get it or he doesn't care. From that point on I can't tell if the bassist has a rockstar, contorted, I'm rockin out, look on his face or if he's just annoyed with the new addition to his band. Then just as the band is about to sing one of it's beautifully melodic, quiet, slow songs, the din at the bar rises tenfold. We're not just talking obnxious drunks, we're talking..trays being dropped, bartenders yelling, glasses clanking, and well... obnoxious drunks. And as if dealing with the glass/ring virtuoso wasn't enough, after the show the poor bassist is accosted by some other guy who asks him,"where's the band?", to which the bassist replies with a gesture toward himself, and a look of fear. So, the guy says to him, with a big, check out how funny I am grin,"sign my titty?"

Fancy

I just used the phrase "tickle my fancy", and for the first time in my life it sounded dirty. Like, filthy dirty.

Dropping a Bomb

So, I get a phone call from my boss in the middle of class. She says to me she says,"Donna I'm really worried about these bombs, and I called the police, and they said to tell the kids to let a teacher know if they see anyone suspicious(to a child that's anyone but his mother) wandering around the school." "Where is the bomb?" I ask, paniced, thinking there's been a bomb threat reported in the fairgrounds where the school is located. "Nowhere, but they're everywhere," she says. "Anyway I'm really worried, I want two teachers to check the perimiter of the playground every morning to be safe." Now it's my job to spread the word, and unable to control myself I smirk just a little more each time I deliver the message to another teacher until I'm cracking up while delivering it to Holly, my co-teacher. Here come's the scary part. The very next morning while we're getting our class in order, I notice Holly stop and look out the window very concerned, and without saying a word she quietly steps out the door to the playground. Oh shit! I think. We didn't check the perimiter. Just then Holly returns with a boy from our class. Apparently his father had dropped him off without making sure he entered the classroom, so the boy decided to go out to the playground and poop. The End